Our readings this evening will commence with an epistle from Miss Diana Dainty who therein announces herself as a candidate for admission to the Society of Spinsters at Tabby Hall. This lady appears to have so very delicate a taste that we cannot flatter her with the hope of finding a gentleman perfect in every respect, for perfection is not the lot of mortality, and we accordingly applaud her resolution.
With regard to the thriving upholsterer Mr Michael Mitre in High Holborn who requests our advice respecting his unfortunate passion for Miss Barbara Botherham, we know not what to do. The Spectator has hinted that persons seldom apply for advice on such occasions till they are no longer disposed to listen to it and have previously made their own decision. Should Mr Mitre however persist in requesting our opinion, we counsel him (this we fear in vain) to endeavour to lose the memory of the fair Barbara in a closer attention to his business, which must otherwise suffer materially while he is engaged in an unsuccessful chase and still more, should he be successful in obtaining her hand, from her multiplied experiments and researches, for we cannot give him much hope of discovering the philosopher’s stone.
Poor Mr Barnaby Scratch. His condition seems deplorable indeed, but we know not how to assist him for we have not any sinecures in our disposal. As he has requested his letter may be considered “most secret and confidential” we have no scruples in following a number of illustrious precedents by making it public.
Lady Belle Bluemantle wishes we could recommend a more elegant name than that of Tabby Hall for their Society. The office of godfather is one of so much responsibility that we are disposed to decline the honour especially as there are so many to please and so little prospect of unanimity. “The Parthenon” might however not be an inappropriate title.
The farewell to a friend on her departure for Malta is a pleasing little poem and Lord Byron’s farewell to that island will amuse by contrast.
Our friends will be glad to hear that we have another epistle from Laura. We cordially agree in sentiment with the author of the poem commencing with the description of spring. The Jeu d’esprit on the clergymen’s loss of their dinners is whimsical enough and will excite sympathetic emotions in the bosoms of all hungry poets, who more frequently than parsons have the honour of dining with Duke Humphrey.
Mr Atticus Scriblerus has honoured us with a further communication and some specimens of his poetical talents. We are so much pleased with them that we hereby authorize him to insert our names in his list of subscribers to the Pleasures of Sentiment and the Conquest of the Spice Islands. No work that celebrates the achievements of our gallant countrymen can be indifferent to an Englishman and we recommend the author to hasten the publication of this “splendid national poem” which there is every reason to think will succeed.
The manner in which he has made public the Ex-member’s Lamentation and Remonstrance, we do not think perfectly consistent with that strict honour he professed in his first letter. But the poem is so good that we are not disposed to be remarkably scrupulous about the manner of our obtaining it — the sin be on his own head — we will endeavour to oblige the expelled member to speedy payment, if he had not absconded.
Our evening’s amusement will conclude with the sequel and conclusion of the History of the Garter and we hope our audience will forgive the author’s impertinence respecting a certain city to which some of them have the honour to belong.
Poets will take liberties.