Answer to the Advertisement

Miss Porden


Your advertisement of the 5th instant gave me inexpressible pleasure as I cannot help feeling myself the man destined to make you happy. I have long sought in various circles for a partner of mind and character congenial to my own, but never till now have I met with one that so completely answered my wishes. The nice discrimination so apparent in your list of the qualifications necessary in him whom you shall honor with your hand as well as the modesty and delicacy which appears in the delineation of your own, put your taste and judgment beyond a doubt. With regard to myself my stature is rather low but of an extremely elegant proportion. My only personal difficulty arises from the beauty of my face which I am inclined to believe would not pass unnoticed even in a crowd though the great length of my nose and a certain particular cast which I am said to have with my eyes may perhaps overcome this bar to your favor; should it not, I believe you will be the first lady who has rejected a man for his beauty. For a list of my mental qualifications which are unexceptionable, I refer to my former letter in the Attic Chest. In respect to circumstances as wit and genius are ever neglected I should scarcely have dared to propose myself to you were I not recently appointed to the important office of prose writer to the Attic Society, and office, the emoluments of which from the rank and credit of the society cannot fail to be considerable, though I have not been able yet to ascertain the precise extent. As to a carriage, the only one I at present drive possesses but one wheel, but as you have not named any specific kind of equipage, I trust this will not be any objection. To come to music, my instrumental acquirements are considerable, and my voice rivals in melody and sweetness the grasshopper, the swan, and even the frog concerts of America, and I ply on the Jews harp to a miracle. In reading I am allowed to excel and can vary the velocity with ease from ordinary time to quick march. My head I believe contains as few soft places as my heart. Indeed some of my friends affirm the first to be of wood and the latter of stone. I would rather take it to be of leather, so that there can be no difficulty on this quarter. Having thus given an account of myself I remain in the hope that my late appointment may be followed by one still more desirable.

Your most obedient