Count Léandre to the Editress No. 1

Cruelle, j’expire
Sous tout de rigeur!!!

Ah! unpityable Editresse! by what false balance do your ponderate misfortuned Léandre? Is it genteel to pay his tendres sentiment with the Laughing-stock of all the Associates to the Attique Box?

Votre coeur, cruelle et charmante personne, your heart, too amiable Miss, should have had made you feel the falsité of that Kaleidoscope histoire. No, Mademoiselle, I never travel with no Kaleidoscope [no triascope, no tetrascope, or hexascope], no Téléscope, no Microscope; my heart is one Pantoscope, in which I see but you every where, and it was a bad scope that your Writer gave himself, to give scope to his jests upon me — tremble, téméraire, tremble! qui que tu sois!!!

Enfin, Mlle Editresse, I have rendered myself, it is true, to Calais, on the false noise of a pretended Billet de la Main chérie — Étant à Calais I was well willing to try if not I should swim over the sleeve — I throw myself into the waves (as it was for expériment I take some littel life préserver in my poche) and when I take some time the briny embrace of the Nymph of blue eyes and green hair, some Fishermens come tangle me into the nets. I fail but little to be take for a Mermaid — in fine, after much tracesseries, I find it more better to place myself into the Pacquebot, which make sail in the moment — je baise avec transport le rivage de l’Angleterre — je role à Londres — je trouve la rue ou demeure la charmante Iris — je trouve — ah ciel que trouvai-je? — Je trouve la Porte fermée! — Yes, Miss, the door never opens itself but to the Penny Post Man — aux mains donc du Penny Post Man je confie mes douleurs, mes soupirs, mes espérances — Daigne, I pray you, to make to know to the Attique Associates that I am no Calicot; that I préfère one Beauty alive to all the machines of all the Docteur Broushterre in the worlde; that is I find more convenable in the times of today to come by wind in a Pacquebot than to come by water à la mode de Léandre, it is no loss of heroique qualités, but déférence aux nuages du monde.

In fine, Miss, accept the dévoted assurance of réspect, fidelité, estime, and considération.

Se votre à jamais


Hôtel de la Sablonniere
Leicester Square
this May the 30th