Stevens’s, Bond Street
Tuesday Morning
Madam,
Having occasion the other morning to lounge into a banking hall with which I am concerned in Lombard Street, I met with one of the sleepy partners, Mr Custody, a famous musty old bachelor, a rare quiz I assure you, who showed me with an air of mystery a precious epistle he has been composing to your Editresship; — thinks I to myself it would be a good hoax upon the old jockey to get the whip hand of him here, and take the Treasureship myself — So I make my bow to you, Ma’am, and beg you will make a c’urt’sey for me to the Worthy Maidens, and recommend to their notice a gentelmanlike man of six and twenty with the following qualifications:
I too am a banker, managing partner in a flourishing country firm (within a convenient distance of Tabby Hall) which corresponds with the House my friend Croesus belongs to. My talents for pecuniary affairs are indisputable — from a man of my figure references or securities would never be thought of, and provided I am allowed to lodge the funds of the Society in my own bank, the remuneration I shall expect will be very trifling.
On his personal qualifications it becomes a modern man to touch with delicacy. Not to appear vain, I shall suppress the flattering things which I know to have been said of my person by the ladies of our town and neighbourhood; but without vanity, I may say that I have a curricle, tandem, unicorn or four-in-hand better than any country gentleman I know; that I perfectly understand whist and cassino, piquet, chess, backgammon, drafts, tactics, and most of the other new games; that I draw a little, sing a little, and dance a little, play the flute a little, and even (what to your Attic Mind must be the strongest recommendation) I have some acquaintance with the Ladies of Parnassus.
Do then, dearest Miss Elinor, assist me to cut out my old joke of a rival.
You see by this hasty specimen what sort of a correspondent I am likely to prove, if you make it worth my while, and if I succeed by your means I promise to send for your Chest a copy of verses in celebration of the event.
I have the honor to be,
Your most devoted servant
Frederick Ledger Scamper