Sir,
I have perhaps being delinquent in etiquette in delaying to acknowledge the honour of your appointment as Prose Writer to the Attic Society but trust the cause of this neglect will be its sufficient excuse. I am in love, sir, and it is universally allowed that those who lose their hearts are privileged to lose their senses, also as exemplified in the very excellent tale read at the last Attic Meeting. I believe, sir, that you who are acquainted with the object of my affections and will agree with me in thinking that with all my acquirements, strengthened by your favour, the hopes I have formed of being her chosen partner are not presumptuous. So confident indeed have I been of the favour of the Advertising Lady that I have caused my Camera Attica to be repapered (which indeed it wanted) and have actually caused a grate to be set in it. I have also laid in a fresh stock of linen and other necessaries as I wish to cast a dash during the honeymoon. I should hardly have ventured on so many expensive alternations but from the reliance I have on the salary from the Attic Chest, the amount of which I shall be much obliged if you will inform me of, and also whether it is customary to give Christmas Boxes. With regard to my “Hieroglyphic Pothooks” as you have been please to denominate them, I will endeavour to mend my handwriting and trust I shall have no occasion for a deputy. I beg you will excuse the many defects in my paper on geology especially that principal one of having a determinate subject, which I promise you, sir, you shall never find the case in any future production of mine. I hope indeed the Society will excuse my present idleness in not having sent anything more but one who is over head and ears in love has not time even to dip into learning.
I am sir
your most obedient
& eternally obliged
Humble Servant
Alopex etc. etc. etc.
P.S. You know very well, sir, that the geological lecture is none of my writing but as you have fathered it upon me though I am not altogether pleased with such a liberty I would not betray you and disappoint the Society, as I suppose this letter will be read. But beware of repeating such jokes or I shall demand satisfaction.