Ye Muses ’mong Adonis who dwell
And have noses of tangible stuff
Come, succour a poor puzzled Belle
Who’s ordained to descant upon snuff.
Dust cephalic, how warm and refreshing
It furs the nose up like a muff
’Tis both Fox and Bearskin possessing
To be amply supplied with good snuff.
How oft with catarrh in the head
We snuffle, we sneeze, and we puff,
Let those then such evils who dread
Seek and early prevention in snuff.
To the brain it gives fancy and vigor
While the skin it makes tawny and tough,
So that Time cannot dull or disguise
A resolute taker of snuff.
Pandora humanity mocks
’Gainst her perils how few can stand bluff
You’d be slain with the plagues from her box
Were it not for your own box of snuff.
On the nose and face tho’ it leave trace
And zig-zag lines dingy and rough
Such marks my be taken for graces
When known as impressions of snuff.
Embrowned tho’ the finger and thumb are
The coat smeared form cape to the cuff,
Such spots on the Sun’s disk by some are
Thought beauties, and why not in snuff.
A Beau for mustachios should pine
To make him look warlike and gruff,
Oh how like a hero he’d shine
Could he show but mustachios of snuff
’Tis the acme of gallantry’s art
And was practised by Donald McDuff
He could win the most obdurate heart
With no talent but taking Scotch snuff.
With such sanction my dear nephew Charles
Of Moccabau take quantum suff.
Nor let your Xantippes loud parles
Restrain you from feating on snuff.
Nay who that beholds your gay box
And could at it churlishly huff
Should receive on each ear such a box
As would silence his railing ’gainst snuff.
And now my dear niece without fiction
Methinks I have reasoned enough
And forced on your mind full conviction
What virtues are centred in snuff.